This Ain’t No Pity Party, It’s an AGE RAGE!

Hello! If it’s not already crystal clear by now, it soon will be: I’m PISSED OFF at being made to feel OLD.
My new motto: I'm old? Fuck you.
My new motto: I’m old? Fuck you.

The irony here, and there’s lots of it, all over this weird-ass website:

  1. I don’t feel any older than 23.
  2. YOU’RE gonna get old, too!

Yeah! It’s true! I swear! Unless you die. And you’ll look REALLY STUPID in a leather jacket, too! And the music you love now will be considered oldies, too! And you’re going to feel invisible, dismissed, and marginalized! And god help you if you lose your job, because let’s face it: no one wants to hire Mom. Or Dad. And if people ever do have to talk about you and sex — which they will not want to do, ever — then just the idea of it will make them go, ‘EW!’

This is the face that he'll be making when you and sex are mentioned together.
This is the face that he’ll be making when you and sex are mentioned together.

Wait. I know. You think you’re going to be different, right? All these horror stories don’t apply to you, because…? I know! You’re special. You take care of yourself! You’re young at heart, and you and your friends will always look and feel and be youthful! So, you’ll always be seen and treated the way you [think you] look and the way you feel!

Listen.

                    …hear that?

Shhhhhhhhhh.

                         That’s me.

                                A lil ol lady.

Laughing her ass off.

53 year old lady laughing at you because you think you'll escape the horror
53 year old lady laughing at you because you think you’ll escape the horror

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